The most important relationship you can develop in your life is the relationship with yourself.
Singleness is all about finding yourself, loving yourself, valuing yourself, and putting the highest estimation on yourself.
You have the opportunity to follow your dreams and your calling. Looking for your passion, your gifts, and your life’s purpose.
You have the opportunity to focus on your own happiness without balancing that of a partner’s.
You have the opportunity to spend time on improving yourself, and becoming the best version of yourself. When you accept yourself, you are freed from the burden of needing others to accept you. Don’t allow anyone or anything to control, limit or discourage you from being your True Self.
1. Singleness is all about Finding Yourself
— By Dr. Myles Munroe
Dr. Myles Munroe discusses the importance of being completely single in order to become One with someone else. The most important relationship you can develop in your life is the relationship with yourself.
We have been driven by our culture to learn to relate to other people. That’s the way we have been conditioned. You’ve been trained to focus on other people. That’s why we are not equipped to have a relationship.
You cannot have an interpersonal relationship until you have settled the intrapersonal relationship. The foundation of our problems it’s that we don’t know how to love ourselves. We have never been taught how to love ourselves. We keep expecting success when we are building with failure.
If you don’t know who you are and don’t know what you want, then you cannot love to appreciate, or value other people.
The most important pursuit in life is self-knowledge and this is what singleness is all about.
Singleness is all about finding yourself, loving yourself, and then appreciating yourself so much that you can share yourself with someone else.
Your marriage is only as good as your singleness. Marriage is not a problem. If your marriage is not working, you are part of this equation. You bring to the marriage, which you are as a single, no more no less. If you are a broken person; if you think yourself short; if you don’t believe in yourself and don’t love yourself…that’s what you bring into your marriage.
So you can think that because we are together we will create something better and will be a better person. Let me tell you that, whatever you are that’s what you create. So it’s very important to bring the best to the relationship. It means that you have to become the best version of yourself in order to bring the best contribution to your relationship. No matter good you are if the other person has cracks in their character, no matter what you are able to do or change them, they win. You can’t change this person. Don’t be unequally yoked up with other people.
Could you live with you for the rest of your life? Are you a gift or are you a curse? Are you a promotion to me or are you a demotion? What is it that you have that can improve my life?
Stay single until you get it all sorted out.
2. Wanting a Relationship isn’t the same as Being Ready for One
— By Dr. Myles Munroe
People believe a relationship should work if both people are in a healthy emotional place in their lives. And this does make it more doable. But being emotionally ready for a relationship isn’t necessarily the same as being mentally ready for it.
One of the main reasons people break up is they’re not mentally prepared. They don’t yet fully understand what it is they want and need, nor are they ready to make the necessary sacrifices. You could say they’re not mature enough.
How could people prepare to make necessary sacrifices if they don’t even know what they’re sacrificing in the first place? Or, what’s worse, they don’t know what it means to compromise?
There’s really only one way to mentally prepare yourself for becoming a single, functioning, loving unit: You have to know yourself on a deep and intimate level.
Yes, you need to get intimate with yourself. Keep in mind that it requires you to spend a lot of time with yourself and no one else. It requires alone time.
We spend so much time putting on facades for others. We pretend to be people we’re not. And when we try too hard to fit in, we lose ourselves — often without realizing it.
We all change with time, but we don’t always grow with time. Sometimes we take a couple of steps backward; we regress and turn into our younger, more immature selves. It happens. It’s okay. The day is not yet over, and you can choose to get yourself back on track.
Once you take some time to be alone and explore who you are — keeping in mind the person you want to be — you’ll get to know yourself again.
You’ll come to realize what’s most important to you. You’ll also learn what’s trivial and disposable in your life. Don’t expect this to be easy. I know it may sound easy, but it’s more difficult than you’d think. Old habits often refuse to die, and being alone is the only way to get enough breathing room to do what needs to be done.
You need to be okay with being alone. You have to accept that you are enough.
I understand you want someone in your life. I understand you don’t want to feel alone. I don’t either, and neither does anyone walking on this planet. But you should be happy when you are by yourself.
Your happiness, focus, and hunger for life can’t depend on somebody else. I understand that, on some level, this is impossible; most of us gain happiness from having a partner. But you can’t allow someone’s absence to define your life.
Your happiness is a choice and a relationship isn’t going to “fix” you.
You choose how you perceive the world. If you realize this and continue to see the world the way you do now, that’s on you. But if you force yourself to change, you can!
Happiness isn’t finding the right person; happiness is being the right person. The only way you got to find the right person is to be the right person in heart. You can’t control who you attract but you can control who you are, and the kind of person you want to be and you will automatically attract this kind of person.
Getting into a relationship before you’re emotionally and mentally prepared reduces the chances it will work out.
How can someone else love you when the “you” isn’t your true self? How can you be fully loved when you don’t know what love is?
The longer you are single — the longer you pause to understand yourself and to create your life with your mind’s paintbrush — the more likely your next relationship will be the last one you’ll ever need.
3) Communication Styles: Men v.s Women — By Bishop T.D Jakes
Bishop T.D Jakes points out the different communication skills between men & women. The reason we don’t stay in a relationship is that we don’t understand each other. It’s not actually about love but knowledge. Someone will only dwell with you if he can understand you.
That’s why he wants to know what’s wrong with you… So if your answer is I DON’T KNOW, well he will walk away confused and when he becomes confused he becomes frightened, and when he becomes frightened he becomes withdrawn and suddenly he’s physically there, but he’s emotionally unavailable because he can’t figure out what’s wrong with you.
Man process internally, the more something bothers them, the less they say about it. When a man is really worried and really upset and really frustrated, he says NOTHINGS.
Women process externally, so whatever the woman is worried she wants to talk about it, the woman's process is communication, when really something bothers her she wants to talk about it. And when she talks about it, it’s not because she wants you to fix it, it’s because she is thinking about it and when she thinks she TALKS OUT.
It’s all about understanding your partner’s point of view. And remember lack of communication leaves too much room for the imagination.
4) You must Honour and Respect Yourself — By Tracey Casey-Arnold
Tracey Casey-Arnold enlightens the importance of honoring yourselves in order for him to honor you and respect you.
He will never choose you if you’ve not chosen yourself first. You must choose to honor yourself and respect yourself; you must choose to be a woman who is honest with herself and put herself first. You must understand your worth and your value.
He has to treat you in a way that you wants to be treated; that you deserve to be treated.
You must choose to honor your body. Don’t act like any guy can get you, no matter who he is. This is not the way God designed you, he says you’re precious, you are valuable.
Ladies, if you don’t respect yourself, then don’t expect us to — Steve Harvey But some of us have a hard time honoring ourselves because we want to give ourselves to that man so that he will be with us. Some of us even give ourselves to the men because we’re scared of losing him.
You must choose to honor yourself in order for him to honor you. If you are able to give it out to him so quickly there’s no need for him to value anything else. You want a man who wants to know your mind, your thought; what makes you smile, what makes you cry. A man who wants to know every single thing about you…
But so many of us are not honoring ourselves, because we’re so desperate to have him and to get him that we put ourselves in situations just to keep him. And this should not be about what you have to do to keep him or he’s going to run off to somebody else. This should be the fact that he knows the value to have you and he can’t imagine doing anything to lose you. Let a man see what he can get, but make him imagine what he can have — Steve Harvey You have to stop looking at dating just for dating, but dating as your pursuit to find the one.
The one who’s going to respect you, honor you, take care of you and protect you. Some of the women are willing to give up their dreams, give up who they are in order to submit to make sure he feels okay, he pursues his dreams. Instead of y’all should be about helping each other’s achieve your dreams.
You must take a step back and ask yourself…Are you honoring who you are and who God designed you to be? Are you honoring your self-worth? Are you honoring your dreams, honoring what God has called you to do?
5) Keys to Identifying your Soulmate — By Touré Roberts
Touré Roberts gives us 5 Keys to identifying our Soulmate. Understand that relationship will make you or broke you, so it is very important to put God into your relationship; it’s the most important happening in a person’s life. You have to figure out how to align your relationship. Your company will promote your life; bless your life or put you down. When you know, you know! If you don’t know it means that it’s not him.
5 Keys to Identifying your Soulmate:
1. Chemistry: Connection between two people, you feel something. But you cannot move in step two if you don’t have chemistry. So don’t waste your time, money, and life because it won’t work without it. But that does not mean that it’s your soulmate either. You have to complete the 5 keys together to find your soulmate, it’s a part of it.
2. Connection (Desire): To go further with that person. Something’s drawing you to that person.
3. Wholeness: If you feel empty without him, you have a problem. It means that if you have not ready when you meet your soulmate, you will sabotage your soulmate. You have first to be full of the power of God that will lead you to your Soulmate and not wait for your Soulmate to fill you.
Enjoy being by yourself, when the time is right you will be right out there and you will be ready. Be focused on your purpose and your soulmate will walk into your life. God preserves them for you when you are ready. Sometimes God has to raise you up to match the soulmate that he has for you. What would attract your soulmate it’s the Spirit. Not the physical, not the money, not the sex, or else the spirit would attract you. It’s like you know him, as it’s the part of you.
4. Divine Confirmation: When you are dating someone sometimes you just want to enjoy yourself without thinking that you have to ask God. Is it the right one, give me your confirmation! Because you are afraid that he is not the right one and be disappointed. But, understand that only freedom and real feeling can only become by divine confirmation.
Why do you want to waste time with someone who will break you and get you away from your purpose? Have this habit to ask God first thing when you date someone, ask for divine confirmation.
5. Divine Purpose: Be honest with yourself, everything has to be on purpose.If you are dating someone just because you are lonely if it’s not on purpose but just selfishness and you will waste your time and energy. God knows that you need someone, but he has to prepare you to receive it. Everything is about purpose.
6) Learn to Trust your Spirit
— By Stephan Labossiere
Stephan Labossiere, relationship coach, gives us the last point of the subject and one of the most important: Trust your spirit.
When you connect with someone who is good for you, you feel it.
Learn to trust your Spirit. When you don’t just rely on what your eyes see, your ears hear, or what you want to process in your mind, when you start to listen from within, you start to gain a better understanding of the people and events that occur in life. Sometimes you don’t know why something happens. You might not be able to make sense of it. However, if you listen and tune into your gut, your spirit, will reveal the truth to you.
Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness, and happiness when you are around them. Right away you both feel safe.
Trust your intuition. You don’t need to explain or justify your feeling to anyone, just trust your own inner guidance, it knows best. And remember, If you don’t heal first, you won’t be able to embrace the love you desire when it comes your way. Love will find you when you are ready.
I pray that God guides you along your journey to find the right One. Sending blessings your way!
Amandine S'iita
Inspirational Writer